Twenty-Nine And a Half.

Posted by terri | Filed under health, watashi

I had a good friend who once told me that St. Patrick’s Day is a day that I should celebrate because for me, it marks 6 months until my birthday. That was something I could appreciate because that day marked the longest possible time between my last birthday and my next birthday. On the other hand, I hate being reminded that I am getting “incrementally older.”

Today being March 17th, I am now 29 “and a half” years old. I have been thinking about this day for awhile now. I figured when the day came, I would just be thinking about how I can savor the next 6 months of being a “twenty-something.” The big 3-0 seems like a huge deal to me and I guess it has a lot to do with the unrealized potential I’ve had throughout my twenties and earlier. The sensible part of me says that age really is just a number, and that I shouldn’t let a number tell me that it’s too late to follow my dreams or to strive for something better. Then there’s a passionately sensitive part of me that says that I just can’t ignore the significance of two whole digits changing in my age.

A week ago, I got a HUGE wake up call about how I’ve been living my life these past 5 years. At this time, I won’t go into details except to say that it has to do with going to the doctor for the first time in 10+ years. My outlook on life, in a matter of a 15 minute visit with the doctor, ended up changing entirely. In this past week, I’ve gone through a range of emotions such as embarrassment, disappointment, and sadness. Perhaps a sense of relief came over me as well as I have finally gotten explanation of what was going on with me as mentioned in an earlier entry. I’ve approached the news with humor and also with anger, but I have no choice but to look my situation in the face and just deal with it. So today, instead of thinking of unrealized dreams and lamenting on the past, I ended up thinking of the future — knowing that my situation presents an opportunity I have NO CHOICE but to take.

In realizing my mortality, my thirties are definitely going to be different. It definitely takes something like being told that you can die if you don’t change that can motivate you to realize your potential. I know it’s not going to be easy, and so I’m very grateful for the support system I have and for those who haven’t been so supportive because of their lack of understanding, I won’t take it personally nor will I let it set me back.

I know 30 is really just a number, and when I get there, I probably will think it’s not such a big deal after all. I have friends who are already there who say that ends up being the case. So maybe this news comes as a coincidence coming near my “29 and a half birthday.” Whatever the case, I have quite a road ahead of me.

Permalink | Comments (0) | Mar 17, 2009

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